Karen Sandler

Author: Karen Sandler

  • After You Die–Who’s on the Boat?

    My father-in-law passed away unexpectedly on June 12th. He was 83 and not in the best of health, but he was living a full life–active on the Internet, ballroom dance once a week. He was a bon vivant, loved his wife, children and grandchildren, and thought his new great-granddaughter was the most gorgeous baby on the planet. As her grandmother, I have to agree.

    My f-i-l had been an avid sailor for years, and when he lived in Southern California was a longtime member of a sailing club. So it’s not surprising that he expressed a wish to have his ashes scattered at sea. My husband has been the point man for this aspect of the funeral service and after much angst and stress has found an L.A. area boat in Marina del Rey that will take us out into the marina so we can fulfill my f-i-l’s last wishes.

    Here’s the thing. My husband had a choice between two boats–one that holds 100 passengers and one that holds only 20 passengers. He decided on the one that holds 20. Which means we will have to consider who among family and friends will take my f-i-l on his last journey. We will be hosting a brunch afterward which can include more than the 20, but there’s no fudging on the boat’s passenger limit.

    So it got me to thinking–who would be the 20 on my boat? If I had my ashes scattered at sea and chartered this boat, who would I choose? The family part is easy–my husband, my three sisters and their two spouses, my two sons, my d-i-l and granddaughter (if she’s old enough). I’m half-way there. My step-mom, of course, she’s both family and dear friend. Room for 9 more.

    My d-i-l’s parents have become good friends, so I’d want to include them. Then there’s Leland, a 40-year-plus friend (we even went to kindergarten together) would have to be there.  There are enough other close friends who would finish off the group or maybe some of the nieces/nephews would want a place on that voyage.

    Not an easy choice. Am I’m forgetting anyone? Someone that later I would think, gosh, how could I have not included them?

    So who would you choose? Who are the 20 people who would be on your boat?

  • God is Not in the Business of Denying Love

    One of the folks I follow on Twitter, @supertailz, tweeted that the “protections” in the same sex marriage bill being considered in NY sounded pretty draconian (“looked awful” is how she put it). Then she wondered in her tweet “Why do they hate so much?” meaning by “they,” I assume, those that insisted those “protections” be in the bill.

    I try to be charitable whenever possible, to think the best of people. So reading that tweet I thought to myself, maybe it’s not hate at all. Maybe it’s just fear–fear of the “other.” It’s still not a very meritorious thing to want to restrict the basic civil rights of others out of your own fear. But fear is a more understandable emotion than hate. Fear is generally involuntary. It’s more difficult to listen to your better angels when fear takes hold.

    So maybe it’s fear and not hate. Trying to be charitable here. But then I read a caption on a photo that described someone outside the state house in NY praying to God that the bill not pass. Well, I suppose anyone can pray about anything they want, no matter how wrong-headed or evil. But two things occur to me when I think of people sending out these kinds of prayers. One, they’re interjecting religion into an issue that, damn it, ought to be a civil decision, not a religious one. Your religious beliefs tell you that two men or two women who love each other shouldn’t marry? Fine. Don’t marry a dude if you’re a dude. Don’t marry a gal if you’re a gal. Don’t go to the wedding of same. Viola! You have not violated your religious principles.

    And anyway, in the US, marriage is an institution with legal, not religious ramifications (yes, you can interject religion into marriage, but that’s a separate thing). The government does not (should not!) stick their governmental noses into any issues of religion. How can the government decide not to sanction same sex marriages because it might offend a particular (or various) religions? What about those religions who not only don’t object to SSM, they consider it one of their sacraments to join in marriage all couples professing love for one another? Where’s their protection?

    Which brings me to my second point about that person or persons praying that the marriage equality bill doesn’t pass. Are you seriously petitioning to God to prevent the marriages of people who love each other? Do you really think that God, who is all-loving, omniscient, who truly sees into every heart and mind, is going to say, “Gee, Joe Blow doesn’t like the idea of these particular couples getting married. Hmm. They love each other very much. They are willing to commit to one another for a lifetime, to support and care for one another. To maybe raise children together. And did I say they love each other? Ah, but Joe Blow is praying for that to never happen. I suppose I’d better grant that prayer.”

    Not. Because God is not in the business of denying love. Anyone’s love. If it’s true, if it’s real, God wants more of that in the world. And if we’re lucky, instead of granting Joe Blow his wish, God will place a germ of love into Joe’s heart. So maybe when he opens his eyes after that prayer, Joe will realize that real love, even if it’s between two men or two women, is nothing to fear.

  • When the Neighborhood Thug is a Black Cat

    I am a dyed in the wool cat lover. I have three, two of which I’ve managed to persuade to be indoor-only and a third who’s an old guy and still set in his indoor-outdoor ways. Even still, he stays mostly close to home, too creaky to wander far. And he’s always in at night.

    But there’s a cat thug in the neighborhood. A miscreant. A hooligan. A hoodlum, a lout. My husband and I call him EBC–Evil Black Cat.

    He’s not a stray. He’s in good flesh, his coat looks good, his eyes are clear. I believe the neighbors own him. I went over there once to discuss the problems I was having with him and they promised to keep him in more often. But if this is the same black cat, that promise didn’t stick.

    So what has he done? He launched himself at my leg and bit me (thank God I was wearing jeans). He’s attacked the neighbor twice and scratched him.

    Back when my girl cat was allowed outside, he chased her and bit her twice, both times requiring a trip to the vet. Once when we had the slider open and the screen door shut, he went right through the screen, knocking it off its track to attack one of my other cats. He went running through the house (admittedly freaked out) before I could finally herd him out the door. I didn’t want to touch him out of fear he’d make mincemeat out of me.

    So no, I’m not a fan of the EBC. He’s a pretty scary guy. There are times I’m tempted to catch him in a humane trap and tote him off to animal control. But I know what would happen to him there, so I just put up with him and keep my cats in as best I can.

    So, any advice out there? What would you do?

  • RTW-Guess This Pitch

    Road Trip Wednesday this week for YA Highway is a “Blog Carnival,” where they’re asking bloggers to post an elevator pitch of one of their fave books. Your job, readers, is to guess which book I’m pitching and to post that guess in the comments. The challenge for me is to pitch a book that’s not too obscure so no one can guess it and not too obvious so the fun is over too quickly. Hmm…

    Here we go:

    After waking from a coma, a teenage girl knows something is awry in her life. Her parents are evasive, her grandmother hates her and she’s been sent to a different, special school. But as she puts together the pieces of what her parents are keeping from her, she realizes that not only is she no longer who or what she once was, if anyone else discovers her secret, it will mean a death sentence for her.

    Hopefully that’s just vague enough that the first poster won’t guess it. Very fun!

  • The Right to Choose What I Read

    I’m new to young adult literature. That is, I’m new as an author. Of course I read YA books as a kid, pretty much picking and choosing at will from the school library. That’s how I ended up reading decidedly non-YA books like Kafka’s Metamophosis and Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring when I was 14. Thank God for a mom who didn’t fear provocative literature.

    Since I’m such a newbie on the block (my first YA, the dystopian Tankborn, comes out in September 2011), I’ve sat back a bit regarding the “kerfluffle” over an opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal by Meghan Cox Gurdon. In her editorial, Ms. Gurdon declares, among other things, that today’s young adult books are dark and depraved. I’ve been unsure how to respond since I’m still working hard to get up-to-speed in YA. I’m learning as fast as I can, reading almost exclusively YA at this point, looking for the best, but also picking and choosing the books that most appeal to me.

    And here is my first quibble with Ms. Gurdon. Not every book is going to appeal to every reader. I’m okay with dark as long as there’s a wonderful character arc and there’s a sense of hopefulness at the end of the book. That’s why, although I voraciously read Suzanne Collins’s The Hunger Games and am half-way through Catching Fire, I’m thinking long and hard about whether I will read the third book or even finish the second. I can be an emotional wimp and based on what I’ve heard of book 3, I might not want to go there. It’s a fantastic series, and I’m sure I’ll miss a lot by not reading all three, but I might just exercise that freedom of choice I have and put the book aside. Does that mean the books should be banned from schools or that teens shouldn’t read them because I choose not to? Of course not. That would be silly.

    Should a young adult have that same freedom to choose as I do as an adult? For the most part, yes. A teen reading is a wonderful thing. Yes, some books might not be age appropriate, depending on the teen. When I was writing romance, my love scenes were fairly explicit. If a mom at a signing asked if my books were suitable for her daughter, I usually suggested they might be okay for a mature 15 or 16 year old, but I made it clear how “fleshed out” the love scenes were. The mom and the teen could make a choice based on that.

    That’s not to say the daughter might not find and decide to read my sexy books herself. Is that a problem? It might be if the son or daughter felt uncomfortable with what they read AND didn’t feel they could talk it over with their parent. But if a parent and child have an open and free flowing relationship, Mom or Dad can talk over the content of a book with their teen, both before he or she reads it and after.

    The thing is, so many of the YA books I’ve been reading in my effort to become more educated in the genre are tremendously thought-provoking. Scott Westerfeld’s Uglies series and the issues of beauty and obsession with fame that it raises. The Hunger Games‘s treatment of not only oppression and insurrection but our fascination with reality TV. Neal Shusterman’s Unwind‘s handling of the dichotomy between pro-life and pro-choice and where it could lead. These books are the Faranheit 451 and 1984 of our day.

    Who wouldn’t want their teens reading these books, considering these issues, critically analyzing these metaphoric stories? Teens are already thinking about these and even weightier issues, considering the world they live in. A novel can be a safe place to explore the darker side because it is fiction.

    Just my humble opinion.