Karen Sandler

Category: Books

  • Dialogue Tags–Spawn of the Devil or Useful Minion?

    On a recent #yalitchat on POV, a few of us got into a side discussion of dialogue tags. What’s a dialogue tag? The simplest is said (when using past tense) or says (in present tense). For a question, you use asked or ask. It’s used with he/she, or a character’s name, to identify the speaker. So, as an example:

    “Come with me,” he said.
    “I can’t,” she said. “They’ll punish me.”
    “I’ll protect you,” he said.
    “You can’t,” she said. “No one can.”

    Perfectly acceptable dialogue. Assuming you already know who “he” and “she” are in the scene, there’s no doubt whose dialogue is whose.

    But some people are vehemently opposed to dialogue tags. They’d much rather use action to convey who’s saying what:

    “Come with me.” He reached for her hand.
    She snatched it away from him. “I can’t. They’ll punish me.”
    He touched her cheek. “I’ll protect you.”
    She shook her head. “You can’t. No one can.”

    Each bit of character action conveys who speaks each line of dialogue. This works too. The action adds to the scene by revealing some of the inner conflict and motivation between the characters.

    So which is preferable? Dialogue tags or action? Neither. It depends on the scene. Using strictly “he said/she said” in a dialogue-heavy scene can result in “floating head syndrome” where the reader isn’t quite sure where the characters are or what they’re doing. In the above example, you only get a hint of what the relationship might be between these characters. The action example shows that intimacy more clearly.

    But over-using action to identify the speaker can bog down the dialogue. If you want a fast-paced dialogue exchange, you don’t want to insert character action every time the speaker changes. In the above example, the use of action gets a bit clunky.

    The solution is to vary your use of dialogue tags and action. You can even omit both when it’s clear from the context and dialogue who’s speaking. Here’s an example from Tankborn. To give it some context, Devak has just told Kayla that it was his brother who was supposed to take his father’s place, not him:

    “Why didn’t he?” Kayla asked.
    “He’s dead,” Devak said. “The lowborn Sheffold riots.”
    A dim fact surfaced now. “Azad Sharma.”
    Devak nodded. “My half-brother.”
    “Then you—”
    “I’m the child he gave his life to save.”
    “But they never meant to kill him.”
    His gaze narrowed on her. “Of course they did. He went in as a peacemaker. He’d befriended some of the lowborns, but they betrayed him.”
    “That’s how the trueborns tell the story,” Kayla said.

    The point is not to get caught up in using only one method of identifying the speaker in dialogue. You wouldn’t want every paragraph in your book to be the exact same length, or have the same number of words in every sentence. You wouldn’t use the same adjectives over and over. You vary your language so that the reader finds your work engaging. And in the case of dialogue tags and action, you use them to clarify the speaker, to describe action, and reveal conflict or motivation.

  • LTUE – Third Day

    I’m home from LTUE, but I wanted to write a wrap-up of the last day of the symposium. I managed to make it to Kirk Shaw’s “THE GOOD AND THE BAD: Five Things to Do and Five Things to Avoid in Writing Speculative Fiction.” This was an excellent craft workshop, and the tips he gave could be used in any genre of writing.

    He started with the five to avoid: Deus Ex Machina, Infodump, Agenda, Series Degradation, and Disjointed Elements.

    Deus Ex Machina translates literally to “god from a machine.” In Greek plays, there would be a point near the end at which a god or gods would be lowered via a mechanism to the stage to tie up all the loose ends and solve the story problem. You want to avoid a device like this in your writing, instead making sure that your main characters have completed their goals themselves.

    Infodump is a particular bane of speculative fiction. Our world-building may include invented language, created flora and fauna, a political system, religion, etc. If we lay this all out in the first few pages, our readers’ eyes will glaze over. Kirk mentioned a few tricks to avoid infodump. Use a smart foil (that sidekick that seems to know everything, a la Hermione Granger). Plant an artifact that reveals information (I used this device in Tankborn; my MC Kayla finds a journal). Have the characters do some research. You can also use dialogue and action (although I would recommend taking care with dialogue that is too expository).

    Agenda is a problem when the author has an axe to grind and uses their book to hone the blade. For example, the author could use the light touch of satire to get across the point that partisanship in politics is sending us down the road to ruin, or he/she could write a heavy-handed, hit the reader over the head diatribe against politicians taking sides.

    Series Degradation pretty much speaks for itself. The first book in a series is great, the next is quite good, the third is okay, etc. This is only an issue for those writing series.

    Disjointed Elements refers to a story that has too many things going on in the story. It’s a paranormal-romance-science-fantasy-adventure-thriller. If you can’t describe your story in a succinct query letter paragraph, you might want to take a look to see if you’ve crammed too many unrelated elements into your plot.

    On to five things to master. First on the list was Make Something New, although Kirk covered that one last by way of a writing exercise. Next, Voice and Dialogue, then Pacing, Good Research & Added Value, and Name with Meaning.

    With Voice and Dialogue, you want to vary your dialogue amongst your characters. Each character’s dialogue should be clear and distinctive. It’s okay for a character to have an accent, but it should be accurate.

    With Pacing, you want to make sure you don’t run out of steam at the end. Make sure you have an actual climax.

    For Good Research & Added Value, Kirk used the example of Michael Crichton. In Jurassic Park, Kirk felt the details about genetic engineering were a fascinating part of the story. He didn’t feel the same about Congo, and found it a difficult book to get through. Make sure your research adds to your reader’s enjoyment.

    Finally, Name with Meaning. Use names that a) make sense to the reader and that b) the reader can pronounce. Ten consonants in a row with random apostrophes inserted might not make the best name for your characters or creatures.

    Kirk got around to Make Something New at the end. On the reverse side of his handout, he listed ten each of typical speculative settings (e.g., zombie apocalypse, college of special abilities), character archetypes (evil sorcerer, homicidal creature), and elements (e.g., cryogenics, magical items). The trick was to combine these into a new take on a story. We had some great contributions from the attendees.

    I also attended a mile-a-minute presentation of SF/F fiction for children (PB to YA) given by local librarians Patricia Castelli and Marilee Clark. It was pretty cool to see how passionate Patricia and Marilee were about the books in their collection. It was also nifty to see Tankborn listed under “Other new teen books of note” in the YA section.

    I finished the day with my editor Stacy Whitman’s talk on Writing Cross-Culturally. She started with some thought-provoking questions. Who gets to write what? Who reads multi-cultural books? The word multi-cultural is controversial–does it exclude white people? Some prefer to use inter-cultural or diverse.

    She said if you admit you’re ignorant about a culture, you’re less likely to brazenly write mistakes. Sometimes you don’t know what you don’t know.

    Other issues she discussed was how to attract people of color to publishing. Also, when writing historical fiction, how do you make language choices? Some historically accurate language is offensive in the present day.

    She talked about four approaches to writing multi-culturally:

    Invader–someone who arrives without warning and claims entitlement without reason
    Tourist–someone who is sincerely interested, sometimes in the way but willing to learn
    Guest–someone with a long term relationship with the host whose relationship is reciprocal
    Native

    A resource for those interested in writing Native American culture: oyate.org.

    Questions you may not know to ask when writing multi-culturally (these can be found on Stacy’s blog):

    Who are people loyal to?
    Who are people responsible to?
    Who gets respect?
    How do they ensure fairness and efficiency?
    How do they control their emotions?
    Who’s in charge of their fate?
    What time is it–absolute or flexible?
    How do they handle guilt vs shame?
    How different are men and women?
    How do they handle personal space?
    Do they look forward or back?

    All in all, LTUE was a fantastic experience. There was a real wealth of information for the beginning writer and plenty of networking opportunities for the established author. I’m looking forward to attending next year.

  • LTUE – Second Day

    Again, I didn’t make it to as many workshops as I might have liked. I spent the morning working in my room, waiting for a call from my editor. Once she arrived, a friend of hers drove us to the local Barnes & Noble where I signed shelf copies of Tankborn. I indulged in a mocha and Stacy and I did a little book browsing. We shared opinions and recommendations on YA titles, then when our ride returned, we headed over to UVU.

    By the time I arrived at LTUE it was noon. I completely missed the James Owen keynote speech :-(, but I made it in time for the “How to Write a Good Short Story” panel. This was a good one, packed with excellent information from Kathleen Dalton-Woodbury, Heather Frost, Eric James Stone, and moderator Dan Willis.

    Here’s what I gleaned from the workshop, based on my notes:

    A short story must focus on one aspect of a character or the situation that character is in. You have to restrict what you focus on. One panelist described it as a snippet of the character’s life. You’re looking at that one isolated moment.

    The writer should use unity–one character, one problem, one setting, one effort against the story problem. You’re not writing episodes as you would in a novel. You should find the one distilling moment in this character’s life and write about that.

    Dan asked the panelists how a short story should be structured. One panelist said you have to leave out a lot of things. You can’t have traditional beginning & middle as you would in a longer work. Two ways shared that described where to start: You should start at the climax. You should start close to the end.

    You should enter scenes late and leave them early, especially conversations. You can trust the reader to fill in details.

    Also, in a short story you should cut the number of scenes, characters, and sub-plots. Reduce the complexity of the main plot. In a short story, you should tell, don’t show, particularly for the character’s backstory. And as one panelist said (quoting Doc Smith), shoot the sheriff in first paragraph.

    One panelist discussed the characters inner story versus her outer story (I use internal/external conflict to describe the same thing). A character has an emotional truth that is quite separate from the physical details. The story must include those emotional truths, no matter what the plot is.

    One panelist gave the example of tomato surprises in which a short story writer spends much time building up the story, then at the end says, this is what really was happening and it’s entirely different from what you’ve been reading up to now. The character was actually dead, or a dog, or an alien. That device would be better used to start a novel.

    Dan asked about outlining short stories. The general consensus seemed to be that a short story doesn’t need an outline. A more complex story might need outline but if that tool is used, it will be quite brief. There is sometimes a need to lay out scenes, but in general, it’s easier with short fiction to keep a whole story in your head.

    Writing short, the process is more like cutting away everything that’s not a short story. A short story is a sprint as opposed to the marathon of a novel. You can break the rules more with short fiction. For instance, you can experiment with style. One panelist mentioned writing an entire story using only monosyllabic words. It was effective in a short story, but it would probably drive a novel reader crazy.

    Dan asked how do you know when it’s done? One panelist said that instinct tells him what the story length will be, based on the concept. Another said that the story is over when the character solves the story problem. You should ask what the character stands to lose and what they can win. When either of those happens you’re at the end.

    Kathleen discussed at length Orson Scott Card’s four story structures, Milieu, Idea, Character, Event. These all end in a certain way, for instance a Milieu story (e.g., a fish out of water story) ends when the main character decides to leave the unfamiliar territory they’ve discovered (i.e., go home) or to stay. There are more details here about these four structures.

    Dan asked what are editors looking for. Answers: Someone interesting in an interesting place and situation. No boring people. Cut out the boring stuff. A character with attitude is good. One panelist commented that they hates most when all of the story is working then the end sucks. Another Orson Scott Card reference–everything in a story has to fight for its right to be there. Also, editors are more interested in authors they can work with (e.g., who will make requested changes). The suggestion: Get beta reader, someone other than your mother.

    Dan asked about the market for short stories. Two helpful links, duotrope.com and ralan.com. Also, read the magazines you’re targeting. Writing contests are also a great place to submit your work. The Writers of the Future contest was noted as a particularly good one.

    You should make a list of possible markets and rank them (by whatever aspects are important to you, e.g., pay). Send the story to each place on your list, starting with the highest rank and work your way down. You can also publish it yourself, but because of distribution issues, that option should probably be at the bottom of your list.

    After the short story panel, I attended Kirk Shaw’s “The Good and the Bad: Five Things to Do and Five Things to Avoid in Writing Speculative Fiction,” but this post has gone on long enough. Instead of appending all the excellent detail from “The Good and the Bad” here, I’ll report on that workshop in my next post.

  • LTUE – First Day

    The nighttime view from my hotel room.

    I should confess up front that I got to far fewer workshops than I’d planned today because I spent so much time talking to some really great people. I’d slept in a little so it was 10am before I traversed the obstacle course of road construction to the UVU campus. This involved dashing across streets, serpentining around the roundabout, and bobbing and weaving amidst crazy drivers.

    My intention was to catch the rest of the panel discussion, What Exactly Does an Editor Do? that included my editor, Stacy Whitman. But before I got there, I crossed paths with an unpublished writer who had just finished a book and wanted to know what happens next. We ended up finding a quiet corner while I explained to her about agents and submissions, pointing out the pitfalls she might encounter. So I didn’t walk into Stacy’s panel discussion until about the last 15 minutes.

    Next stop was Middle Grade Books for Boys which Stacy was moderating. My main focus is on young adult, but I do have one MG book that I’ve considered expanding into a series, so I wanted to get more information for that age group. The panelists were Tyler Whitesides (Janitors) and E.J. Patten (The Hunter Chronicles).

    First, they clarified the basics. The age range for MG is 8 through 12, and the length is 50,000 to 70,000 words. It isn’t just a matter of age or length, though. The themes of an MG book have to be age-appropriate. The stories are more adventure-based and if there is any romance, it’s puppy love.

    They mentioned that some MG series do transition to YA within the series (Harry Potter is a prime example), but in general, there is not as much of a market in YA for boys. Boys tend to go directly from MG to adult fantasy. Boys also love non-fiction.

    A writer should think about what boys like to figure out how to write for that market. Characters should be a year or two older than the target audience because kids read up. Age 13 is probably the top age for MG characters.

    Boys like slapstick and potty humor. Kids in general like familiarity and will read the same books over and over.

    After the MG panel, I got caught up in another conversation or two and so arrived late at the panel discussion on self-publishing. Since I’ve self-pubbed some of my backlist, I was interested in what new information I might glean. I confess (again–I must be channeling my Catholic upbringing), I was a bit put off by some of what was presented in this panel. When asked “what works” in the way of promotion, the answers varied from the “throw whatever you can out there, maybe something will work” to “book bombs so you’ll be on the bestseller list for a day.” A couple suggestions sounded reasonable–put up a free short story to entice readers to check out your book, and also to look for long term success rather than immediate short term results.

    One panelist’s answer to “What do you find frustrating?” was that formatting, editing, and promoting take so much time, it impacts how much time there is left to write. Where I see myself as a writer, these folks have to be publisher/writers and I don’t think the proportion of writing to publishing would satisfy me.

    But here’s what really raised my hackles. At one point during the Q&A, someone in the audience asked “So, should I self-publish first, or go to the traditional route first?” The panel’s answer–self-publish first because a traditional publisher might discover you that way. I wanted to stand up and shout, No! That’s not how it works! Your odds of having a traditional publisher discover your self-pubbed book out of tens of thousands are as bad as hitting the lottery. Self-publish if that’s what you believe in, but don’t do it as a route to traditional publishing. I kept my opinion to myself. Well, until now.

    Next up, a screenwriting related workshop I had arranged ahead of time to jump in on. Michaelbrent Collings and Blake Casselman were kind enough to let me horn in on their already scheduled panel. They had planned for the panel to be entirely Q&A so I fit in pretty well. I like to think that I brought something to the discussion having spent a number of years writing screenplays.

    I headed to lunch (side note: it is apparently possible for a 3 Musketeers candy bar to age to the point of rock-hardness, based on the one I bought at the UVU cafeteria) then retraced my perilous path back to the hotel for a break. After my R&R, I again danced around Orem traffic to return to campus, got lost for a bit in the IT department (thank you, help desk for getting me on the wireless network), then found Stacy again. She introduced me around to a few more people, I got into a few more lengthy conversations, and never did make it back into a workshop. My bad.

    Stacy and I connected again later and she introduced me to the lovely ladies who became my dinner companions (Gwynne Meeks & Audrey Gonzalez). She also gave me an intro to James Dashner (The Maze Runner) with whom Stacy promised she would “hook me up, Utah-style” for dinner Friday night.

    Japanese Pan Noodles at Noodles & Company with Gwynne and Audrey, back to UVU for the tail end of Stacy’s last panel (where I learned about a story featuring an LDS vampire systematically killing her family–cool!), then we added another new friend, Brittany Heiner, and the four of us ventured out for incredibly yummy ice cream at Cold Stone.

    I am full of knowledge and tasty ice cream. It has been a perfect day.

  • LTUE – The Pre-Game Show

    Today’s the first day of the Life, the Universe & Everything (LTUE) symposium in Orem, Utah. I haven’t yet walked over to the Utah Valley University where the symposium is held, but last night I had a blast at the BYU campus at this event. I was a late addition to Stacy Whitman’s talk on children’s publishing. Most of the questions during the Q&A portion were for Stacy, but I got to field several. I love sharing about writing and what I know about the publishing business. Speaking to this class was a wonderful opportunity to do that.

    After the talk, we went out to Sakura, an all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant. A dangerous place for me to be since I l-o-v-e sushi. I ate more than I should have, but it was oh, so good. Particularly the Twin Dragon roll. Yum.

    My impression of Utah (or Orem, anyway): a little chillier than home, desert-like (well, it’s a desert–what do you expect?) and dry-dry-dry. I thought the Sacramento area was dry. My skin was flakier than a pie crust (okay, that imagery is pretty eww). Nice people.

    Now off to LTUE.