Karen Sandler

Category: Writing Craft

  • Dialogue vs. Scene

    When does dialogue constitute a scene? If two or more characters are talking to one another about elements of the story they’re featured in, is that a scene? And if it is a scene, how much of it can we include on the page without interspersing it with action?

    To me, a scene is where something is happening. It’s a visual depiction of that something. It must be pertinent to the story and move it forward, but if there’s something important to your story, I fervently believe it should be shown and not talked about.

    Of course, dialogue does have its place. I recall learning (back in the Dark Ages when I first started writing) three rules about dialogue. Dialogue should do one or more of the following:

    •     Convey character
    •     Reveal information
    •     Move the story forward

    So, yes, you could have some number of characters in a room talking, characterizing themselves with their word choices or tone (e.g., using plenty of slang & f-bombs, or more erudite language), revealing information (e.g., that they saw Col. Mustard in the library with a hammer), and moving the story forward (e.g., I’m pregnant, and you’re the father). But if it’s just folks talking in a room, is that really the best way to use dialogue?

    The issue is really how much of your book is dialogue in a static place and how much is action that either leads into that dialogue, or action that follows that dialogue. If your story is fast-paced, with your characters constantly in peril, it’s great to have scenes in which they can take a breather, to sit together and just talk and regroup. James Rollins Map of Bones is a good example of that. Rollins places his characters in one dire situation after another, but there are revelations that they have to have time to chew over. So they get to safety and work out what those revelations mean, providing the reader with information, characterizing the characters, and moving the story forward.

    Here’s a dialogue example from my book, Tankborn. I’ve taken most of the action out of the exchange between Kayla and her nurture brother, Jal:

    “Tala’s out,” Jal said, “cleaning Spil and Zeva’s flat.”
    “Then we have time to change and get the river sludge out of our clothes.”
    “What about this?”
    “I’ll doctor it. If she asks, you slipped climbing down the riverbank.”
    “If she’s tired enough,” Jal pointed out, “she might not even
    notice the scratch.”
    “She’ll notice. She just might not have the energy to push it.”
    “Tala shouldn’t have to work so hard.”
    “You volunteering to stop eating? We could save plenty of dhans not paying for the kel-grain you inhale.”
    “I mean, the trueborns should give her a new baby so she won’t have to clean flats.”

    As written above, it’s not really a scene at all. It’s just two talking heads. Here’s the same excerpt with the action included:

        When Kayla slipped into the twenty-ninth warren, Jal was waiting for her by the stairs. “Tala’s out,” Jal said, “cleaning Spil and Zeva’s flat.”
    Kayla brushed past Jal and up the stairs. “Then we have time to change and get the river sludge out of our clothes.”
    “What about this?” Jal tapped the scratch on his cheek.
    “I’ll doctor it. If she asks, you slipped climbing down the riverbank.”
    “If she’s tired enough,” Jal pointed out, “she might not even notice the scratch.”
    “She’ll notice. She just might not have the energy to push it.”
    Jal crowded up past Kayla and walked backward up the stairs. “Tala shouldn’t have to work so hard.”
    Kayla slanted a look up at him. “You volunteering to stop eating? We could save plenty of dhans not paying for the kel-grain you inhale.”
    Jal gave Kayla a poke. “I mean, the trueborns should give her a new baby so she won’t have to clean flats.”

    With the interspersed action, the dialogue becomes a scene. Not so much a whizbang high-action scene, but we get a sense of place, and a sense of the relationship between Kayla and Jal, as well as revealing information about their nurture mother, Tala.

    If you’re a writer, how do you handle dialogue to avoid the dreaded Talking Heads Syndrome? If you’re a reader, what do you think of dialogue that’s independent from action? I’d love to hear others’ opinions.

     

  • RTW – My L-O-V-E List

    When I saw this blog topic on YA Highway‘s Road Trip Wednesday, the old TV show The Love Boat immediately came to mind. In fact, if you remember that show, you have to read the title of this post the same way the announcer did on the show.

    But I digress. The idea for the love list in this context comes from this blog post. In Stephanie Perkins’s post, she describes how she starts a new project by writing a list of all the reasons she loves her story. As she goes, Stephanie adds details to her list. YA Highway invites us to do the same about our own story.

    In my case, I am in the throes of a re-write of Awakening, book 2 of the Tankborn series. Maybe I should spell it throws because there have been moments I’ve been tempted to throw the computer across the room. My occasional fits of writer pique aside, the re-write is actually going smashingly well (which has nothing to do with me wanting to smash my computer) and there are plenty of things I like about the story.

    So, my love list:

    great characters
    very cool world
    wonderful creatures
    fun revisit
    exciting plot twists
    deeper look
    secrets and revelations
    set up for book 3

    These are off the top of my head and maybe aren’t as specific as they’re supposed to be. I guess I want to keep some stuff close to the vest since the book doesn’t come out until spring 2013. But there have been many cool surprises with this book, with characters doing things I never expected they would. So I am actually having a lot of fun with it.

    So, who do you love? Let’s hear about your own love list.

  • #LA12SCBWI – Day 3

    A day that started great, including a killer chocolate mousse for lunch dessert, then got a little weird on the way home (an accident that trapped me and hundreds of other motorists for an hour on Highway 99). The conference part of things was fab, though. I took notes at the agent panel and the social networking workshop. Because of our 7 hour drive home (which turned into 8 due to the accident), my son and I left during the awards lunch. But here’s what I did see:

    Alongside moderator Lin Oliver (LO), far left, our agent panel included (l to r), Jill Corcoran (JC) from the Herman Agency, Deborah Warren (DW) from East West Literary Agency, Linda Pratt (LP) from Warnick & Pratt, and Josh Adams (JA) from Adams Literary. They all gave out submission information (which can be found on their website), and an overview of what they represent. The intros were followed by a Q&A period where Lin asked the questions. Refer to the agents’ initials to figure out who’s answering.

    • LO – What path would you recommend for unpublished authors?
    • JA – Be passionate, dedicate yourself to your craft, work on your voice, attend conferences, read a lot, know your audience, tell your story
    • LP – Realize your drive to create, then step into the business of publishing, learn how to query, who might be a good match for you, finish the book! If you get stuck on selling one project, move on to the next project
    • JA – Submit when you’re ready. Don’t be in such a hurry. Really do your homework, wait until you’re really ready. It needs to be highly polished. Do have a literary agent. Find a voice in an agent who will be an advocate for you
    • LP – find your own process, trust your voice
    • JC – Advice from when she did product marketing: to sell-through, you need to have a fabulous idea. Some folks don’t even read books. Come up with five concepts that you love and figure out the best one, look at the comp (comparable) books to make sure yours is different so you can say these are the comp books and this is how mine is different
    • LO – Comment on what you consider to be the strengths of the marketplace and where opportunities are for published & unpublished authors
    • JC – Re: dystopian, editors have so many, those books could compete with one another within the same house. But if yours is different, it could be marketed differently. Take your book with an overdone theme and change the setting/trope. (she jokingly said, Add a cyclops!)
    • LO – you can get rejected just because there’s no place for a book in a publisher’s list
    • JA – no call for cyclops books (in response to Jill). They look for timeless stories, want original voices, not derivative. The question isn’t can we sell it, but do we love it. If we love it, we will find a way. PB (picture books) have been a challenge but still there have been a lot coming out. Need character-driven PB. In MG & YA (middle grade and young adult), you need both literary & high concept, something beyond the stock characters.
    • DW – regarding chasing trends, when you sell your novel, you’ll work on it with an editor 6 mos-year, then the publisher needs 14 mos for marketing. Which means the trend will have passed.
    • JA – write the best book you can
    • DW – Be aware of the digital space, creating content for it, publishers are particularly interested in author/illustrators
    • LO – How is what’s expected of a creative person different now than before
    • JA – so many more demands, authors can’t just sit and write, need to be plugged in on social media, promote, go to school visits, esp. for series fiction, some authors are shy, but they have to find a way to promote their books
    • JC – you have to be marketing and writing. Writing comes first. Some authors are writing 2 books a year.
    • LP – Your sales track, Bookscan has only 70-75% of the total sales (some agents felt it was a much smaller percentage), but everybody looks at it, you have to be more pragmatic about that first book
    • JA – Publishing houses aren’t being as patient with a first book. When they speak to an author they love, they want to know what the author is interested in writing next.
    • LP – She has recently been in the position where a client did okay with first two tween books, went to another house for a third (completely different) book
    • JA – It’s sometimes easier to be a debut, tough for an author who has modest sales. You need to have realistic expectations
    • LO – It goes back to being marketers for our book, some mid-list authors being asked to publish a new book under a pseudonym
    • JC – Jill had a problem with the above (publishing under a pseudonym), but the author didn’t have that issue. She just considered it a professional choice.
    • LO – what are common mistakes that you see people doing, pitfalls to be avoided (e.g., writing a book, then sitting back on their laurels)
    • DW – There’s a strategy, an agent can help, placing your second book is just as important as your first book. Illustrators—there’s been a focus on finding any job rather than the one that’s best for your career
    • JC – Illustrators need to make career decisions, even authors will do write-for-hire and not get their own books done
    • JA – you need to be professional, worst thing a client can do is close possibilities by doing things that impact your career
    • JC –  There have been people she didn’t take on as clients, they were not behaving well online, e.g., they were dissing editors. Untag yourself from incriminating photos. Why do we have to say everything we feel online?
    • LO – Is this the highest and best use of your time — we should be earning money
    • JA – historically the advance was living expenses for the year you work. Yes you can expect $ but don’t do it for the money.

    I had to leave the agent panel early, so I’m afraid I might have missed some good stuff on money.

    After the agent panel, in my morning workshop, Greg Fishbone (Galaxy Games), Jay Asher (13 Reasons Why), and Greg Neri (Yummy, Ghetto Cowboy) shared secrets of social networking in The Class of 2K7. “The Class of” was a concept developed for debut authors to team up for promotional purposes. In the case of 2K7, these were authors whose first book came out in 2007. Others have carried on the concept, each group branding themselves uniquely.

    I didn’t always note who said what, but here are some rough notes:

    • Social networking before the book comes out improves pre-sales (Jay)
    • We can’t all be John Green
    • You can’t do every social networking opportunity
    • Branding is important (various messages for the 2k debut authors)
    • Some of the power is not just social networking with the outside world, but with your group such as SCBWI
    • Do group tours
    • After that year experience (with Class of 2K7), how would they grow as individuals
    • Talking about online presence, how do you use your website
    • Greg N’s is a one-stop shop
    • Jay has a blog on Blogger rather than a website, uses tabs to offer additional info
    • Greg Fishbone has multiple sites
    • You need to control the Google search as much as you can so people can get the information about who you are before someone else pigeonholes you
    • When you craft your answer to interviews, craft them carefully
    • In interviews, Jay gives one answer that isn’t really true (e.g., 13 Reasons Why pop-up book)
    • You may need to change your image (from penguins to SF in Greg Fishbone’s case). His Galaxy Games site is space oriented
    • Watch your image, but really be yourself, the Internet is forever
    • Be aware of your online presence, of how people perceive you
    • How you talk about your books online can sound like you’re bragging, or being pushy
    • Publisher wanted Jay to every day do something to promote, but he wasn’t comfortable with what the publisher wanted him to do. So he tweaked it to be more comfortable with the suggestion.
    • Don’t be afraid to try something new
    • Differences between marketing YA and MG: YA you can go directly to the reader, but MG there are usually gatekeepers like teachers and librarians

  • RTW – Creative Inspiration

    This week’s blog prompt at YA Highway is When you need creative inspiration, where do you go? My first, off the top of my head response, the shower, is a little too cliche, so I’ll offer up some other options.

    First of all, I don’t so much pursue that creative spark as find ways to leave myself open to it. That’s why the shower, cliche as it is, really does work to get me past a creative logjam. For me, writing is a problem-solving exercise and for some of those problems, I need to be away from the manuscript for clarity.

    Some favorite ways to spark my creativity:

    • meditation
    • driving
    • riding my horse
    • brainstorming
    • conference workshops

    With the first three, I can’t just grab a piece of paper to jot down notes (well, I suppose I could when I meditate, but that would defeat the purpose of meditation). I don’t have a phenomenal memory, so instead I’ll work through the solution in my mind enough times to ingrain it (I hope) well enough that I’ll remember it later.

    I often end up brainstorming with my husband when I’m driving, which leaves him to take the notes. At a conference, I’ll have either a notepad or notebook computer to jot ideas down.

    There’s a theme here: I need to put my brilliant ideas in writing as much as possible. Often once I’ve written them down I don’t need to refer back (the act of writing sets it in my brain), but if I don’t inscribe them somehow, they dissolves like mist. Frustration ensues.

    Regarding the last item on my creative inspiration list–conference workshops–I should mention that I don’t find inspiration in workshops about inspiration. Oddly when I’m sitting listening to an agent speak about the publishing market or a bestselling author talking about their career, solutions to my current writing problems start popping up in my brain. I guess just being in the milieu helps me be creative.

    So my secret to creative inspiration–walk away from the problem, give your brain time to clear. And the answer will flow right in.

  • Kill Your Darlings

    When William Faulkner said, “Kill your darlings,” the darlings he referred to were those elegantly composed sections of prose you adore beyond reason. They do nothing for the story, they stick out like garish jewels on an otherwise humble hand, and they must be killed (i.e., deleted). It’s difficult to say goodbye to those intricate metaphors and precious phrasing, but they have no business being in your manuscript. Sorry, gotta go.

    There are other kinds of problem children that we sometimes insert into our prose, that also have a bad influence on our work.  For instance, words we have a compulsion to use often and liberally (redundantly even) in our books. Punctuation we have a special affection for. Turns of phrase we throw in at every opportunity.

    Since confession is good for the soul, I’ll reveal mine here. I love em dashes. You know what they are–those long dashes that break up two clauses. When I do a final edit of my book, I search for all the em dashes and in most cases, I can either replace them with a comma, or separate the two clauses into two sentences. I also have a particular fondness for ellipses (also ruthlessly squelched), and am a recovering semi-colon-aholic. In the word choice department, adverbs are my bad actors. Really.

    In other authors’ work, I’ve seen overuse of the word mumble (a very useful word that loses its power when utilized too often), nervous characters chewing their lips so often it’s surprising their mouth is not in shreds, and the italic overload (IMO, italics are hard on the eyes and should be used sparingly). The exclamation point is also a travesty, although its overuse seems to be limited to newbies.

    The nice thing about all these pecadillos that creep into our writing is that once we recognize the problem, we can fix it on that final edit. I’ve acknowledged to myself that em dashes and ellipses are part of my process, how I get the words down on the page. I know I can take them out later, but in the draft process it works best to just let myself put them in. Same for my adverbosity. I’ll trim those back in a later draft.

    So what are your problem children? Metaphors you overuse, that character action you repeat ten times too many in your manuscript? Feel free to share.